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Bedside Table Demos

by Eleanor McGregor

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Simple CD in paper case burned & put together by me at home :)

    Buying the CD via Bandcamp means you will automatically get a free digital download - if you buy directly from me you will get a code for a digital download.

    *Note - appearance of CD may differ to images as each item is handmade

    Includes unlimited streaming of Bedside Table Demos via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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1.
bedside table: i think you would have been proud of me today i think you would have thought i was brave and you’d say thats my girl she’ll go far while you’re standing at the back of the bar and i wanna show you all the things you missed i wanna know how much if it you wished you’d say oh i remember them i’m glad you’re back in touch again and i wanna make you all the meals i can cook now want you to tell me what they need wanna show you all the people that stuck around and tell you about the ones you never got to meet i want you to know there’s things you would have liked to see and how i wish you could have stuck around to read the book unfinished on your bedside table your bedside table i hope you’re happy wherever you are i hope you look down from whatever star and i hope you can hear me when i say you would have been proud of me today
2.
object permanence: up up, down down, round & round, pull myself together again honey i think this time i need more than a friend i need someone to hold me together through the day and sew me up down down my chest when things don’t go my way but thats not a job i can give anyone and im sorry to those i’ve tried to make become that i only feel good when i cry but thats probably a lie cos theres notes in my phone about warmth & happiness so maybe i just have no object permanence but when i’m down here i miss that feeling so much its something i can see but never ever touch it just sits up there and mocks me from the sky maybe i could find it if i got a little high but i’ll just sit here in a puddle of sweat i’ll sit and pretend i’m not thinking about it dust dust, mould mould, sad holes hidden deep under my bed i meant to clean it this week but i haven’t left my head i wish someone could come and clear all my shit out but i’ll feel weird and uncomfy if i haven’t done it myself so i’ll just pull myself together! and then crumble under the weight of self made pressure. i only feel good when i cry but thats probably a lie becus theres notes in my phone about warmth & happiness so maybe i just have no object permanence but when i’m down here I miss that feeling so much its something i can see but never ever touch it just sits up there and mocks me from the sky maybe i could find it if i got a little high but i’ll just sit here in a puddle of sweat i’ll sit and pretend i’m not thinking about it up up down down round & round pull myself together again honey I don’t know how this’ll ever fucking end
3.
wantable: I realised the other day I just want to be wantable And half the time im convinced that that’s improbable Do you look at my lips when im not looking Cos I don’t think I’ve ever caught you staring Even though im always looking at you Do you even think about me too And I want you to want me when the sun goes down But you don’t even want me when im around I cried over you for 3 days straight Its embarrassing And you’re never gonna know And you’re never gonna ask me on a date But I also realised the other day its maybe mostly that I like your face And I’ve never laughed with you as much as I do with my best friends My jokes just sit in the air and take a while to condense So please Just fucking kiss me I wanna know if I ever wanted you really And I want you to want me when the sun goes down But you don’t even want me when im around I cried over you for 3 days straight Its embarrassing And you’re never gonna know And you’re never gonna ask me on a date
4.
5.
not on fire: im not on fire she says she feels like she’s burning too and i love her through and through so take your brain and lie it next to mine i know you feel insane but so do i and i know you’re trying so i’ll be kinder to myself cause i dont think we’re gonna burn in hell if we walk different paths some day the anchored feeling will remain cause you deserve to be known that way so take your brain and lie it next to mine i know you feel insane but so do i and i know you’re trying so i’ll be kinder to myself cause i dont think we’re gonna burn in hell i know you’re scared i know you cant escape it but i swear you’ll make it out the cave some day and i’ll love you either way so take your shame and lie it next to mine let it lose its weight in the clarity of light oh let it rest it doesn’t need to hurt you know you’re trying your best and its all you can do so listen to me im being honest we’re not on fire i promise
6.
feel less alone: I think a part of me latched onto you years ago Cos when you hold me I feel safer Than anyone could ever know Looking in your eyes feels like home You make me feel like I don’t need to be alone I don’t wanna believe in the love of a god When I can believe in you choosing to love me And I don’t wanna believe in a higher power When I can believe in you letting me take the first shower And leaning on me like I feel like home I don’t wanna need a god to feel less alone You’ve watched me piss myself like 50 times and you still respect me And that makes me feel more worthy of love than forgiveness from a deity You walk me to my bus stop even though its cold and dark And you hold me close when you can tell that im not feeling a part of the world So I don’t wanna believe in the love of a god When I can believe in you choosing to love me And I don’t wanna believe in a higher power When I can believe in you letting me take the first shower And leaning on me like I feel like home I don’t wanna need a god to feel less alone *KAZOO SOLO* I don’t wanna need a god to feel less alone

about

I recorded these demos in my room over a couple of days so they're very simple but I like them, hope you enjoy too.

I'm working on a fully produced album at the moment - some of these songs will be on there (death & peppermint tea has violins! and drums!) so keep an eye out for that later in the year i'm very excited

credits

released June 12, 2023

Mixing & Mastering: Archie Clifford

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about

Eleanor McGregor Nottingham, UK

I'm Eleanor - I've been playing gigs around Nottingham for the last couple of years and am working on my debut album which should be out by the end of 2023! For now you can get my demo ep :)

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